1. The only song that I would want played for the first bride-and-groom dance would be the cover of "Bitches Ain't Shit" by Ben Folds.
2. I would spend the whole time dancing with my friends and NO time whatsoever with my family or with my new husband.
3. I would drink faaar too much champagne. And probably some vodka, too.
4. After indulging in my fancy champagne, I would cry like an infant at all of the toasts. Even the funny ones. Probably ESPECIALLY the funny ones.
5. I would spend far too much money on my dress and be far too careless about it. Like, red-wine-all-down-the-front careless.
6. I can't plan for shit, so I would probably hire a wedding planner, and then be bullied into fancy, trendy little bullshit that I wouldn't even want.
7. I would never write thank you notes for my wedding presents.
8. I would slaughter my groom if he smashed the cake in my face, which seems to happen at about 50% of weddings. So there's a 50-50 chance of groom-slaughter here, which is far too high of a chance for me.
9. The reception place would probably serve something relatively nice and expensive and I wouldn't eat any of it and try to get my new husband to order a pizza or two.
10. And most importantly, I think marriage sucks and I'd probably run away at the altar.
Let's hope that by the time someone actually asks me to marry them, I've matured a bit and none of this will happen.
Cheers,
GIM<3
Please get married so I can see this happening. And you don't HAVE to do cake smashing. You could tell him not to.
ReplyDeleteGurrrl let's hope I don't get married any time soon...what a shit show that will be. And I have a horrible feeling that even if I DO tell him not to, he will. Even with the threat of death hanging over his head.
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