Oof.

I've had a sneaking suspicion that I only like guys who are somehow unavailable for QUITE some time. I'm pretty sure Kaitlynn agreed with me a while ago, then I was talking to Billy Brennan the other day and he confirmed it, and once two good friends confirm your suspicion, it's gospel truth.

Right now, I'm mentally looking over my track record with the menfolk, and literally EVERY SINGLE ONE was unavailable! In a various amount of ways, too...already with someone, emotionally unavailable, they lived far away...literally every single one! Clearly there's something wrong here, and not with them, with me. I realized that I consciously chose these guys solely because of their limited availability. I mean, attraction and their being a good guy definitely went into it too, but the fact that there was no way we could be together was a major factor in whether I started to have feelings for them or not.

I'm still not entirely sure why I do this. Partially I think I do it to avoid being hurt, but it really doesn't work out that way. I'd rather get hurt in a relationship with an available guy than mope and mope and mope over a guy that I'm not even dating and never will date. I also think I do it because I kind of enjoy being crossed in love. The idea of being in a happy relationship is boring to me, but not being able to be with someone I like, or being in unrequited love with someone? That seems infinitely more interesting to me. Once again, CLEARLY there is something wrong here.

After the last incident that occurred because of this self-destructive habit of mine, I swore that I would NOT do such a thing again. But now it's happening all over again! I mean, I don't like this guy, really. I'm keeping myself from getting too attached, solely because of what's happened before. But I have a sinking feeling deep in my gut that I COULD grow to like him a lot, and that is sooo not okay, for a variety of reasons that I won't go into here.

So here's where I try to encourage my limited readership out of the woodwork with a question: do you do this, or something like this? How do you sabotage your love life, or how did you stop doing so? Come onnn, ya know ya wanna tell me.

Cheers,
GIM<3