Antic Disposition

So here's something I literally JUST realized: I get really crazy about guys (this is the moment where my friends all think, "Really, Gron, ya JUST realized this?")

Seriously, though, I was thinking about all the guys I've liked in the past couple of years, and with literally all of them, I get a little twitchy. Even the guys that I only have tiny, short crushes on, I'll have these elaborate fantasies where we have this like tortured, ongoing romance, or that we have an illegitimate child together, or we just end up living happily after forever and ever or some shit like that. And I won't even venture into what I do with guys I REALLY like, it borders on the truly obscene.

Example: there have been three guys in my life that I've really, really, really liked. With each one of those guys, I was like, "OH MY GOD. THIS IS IT. I'M IN LOVE. HE'S THE ONE. HE'S PERFECT. I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM ZOMGZOMGZLAJSDLFAJD" And this was BEFORE I had any inkling of whether they had any affection for ME or not. Of course, none of them did, but before I realized that, I would put myself through absolute fucking torment trying to figure out if they had any feelings for me. "Well, on Monday he looked really happy to see me and hugged me for like a whole five seconds, which could totally mean something, and also when we were sitting next to each other his thigh was like pressing into mine, but was that because he was signalling to me that he likes me or was it because there were seven of us on one couch? And then I texted him Friday and he didn't text me back for like a whole three hours and thirty-seven minutes, and if he really liked me he SO would've texted me back like immediately, right?"

Gross. GROSS. Believe me, I know, it is gross. And I am usually the champion for non-grossness in love and relationships.

So, now that I have this information about myself, what do I do with it? Well, first, I look back at every single guy I ever liked and bemoan the fact that I a) made such a fool out of myself in front of them and my friends, and b) I put sooo much time and effort into guys that probably never gave me a second thought. But after that's done, I guess I just have to keep this information tucked away until the next time I find myself falling for someone. When I find myself mooning over him, or overanalyzing, or wanting to tear my hair out in frustration over a guy I've known for a hot second, I'll just have to remember that I've done this a million times before, and nothing good has come of it! If I keep my cool and act like the genuinely decent person I know (think) myself to be, I have much more of a chance of ending up with this guy...or at least getting on his dick, which is just as good, really.

Thankfully, I have no love interest at the moment, and I don't think one will be cropping up any time soon. So I have plenty of time to try and cool my lovesick, starry-eyed, crazy-ass heels.

Cheers,
GIM<3